The Road So Far

[August 2013 - 4 Months Pregnant - Bunker Library - Learning and lurking]

I checked in on Dean a couple hours later, still passed out–and snoring–halfway off his bed. He seemed none the worse for wear other than the exhaustion. I decided to leave him a bottle of aspirin and a beer on his nightstand–repayment for the mug of coffee he left me.

Sam had pulled a whole different set of books from the library shelves while I was setting up Dean’s wake-up present. Some of these books had grotesque pictures of demons popping out of women’s chests or pregnant women being tortured by townspeople.

“This isn’t going to make me anxious at all,” I said, more sarcastically than I really meant.

Sam grimaced. “Sorry, I thought the sooner we know what we’re dealing with, the better.”

“Yeah but couldn’t you have started with something more traditional? Like ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Demon’?”

He smiled, “You know, I looked for that one but the bunker library didn’t have a single copy.”

I toyed with the edges of a book and flipped aimlessly through the pages, my eyes refusing to focus on them.

“How are you feeling?” Sam asked after a moment.

“I feel mostly normal, just random bouts of nausea that always come at the least convenient times.”

He perked up at this and reached into his pocket.

“Here,” he handed me a few hard candies, “I found a whole jar in the kitchen, they’re ginger, which helps with the queasiness.”

I cocked my head, took the candies, and popped one in my mouth. It had a strong ginger flavor but was not unpleasant. My stomach did seem more at ease than it had been these last few weeks.

“How did you know that? Did you read it in one of these books?” I asked.

He shook his head and avoided my eyes.

“No, I, uh, read it somewhere else.”

“Sam…”

“It was an Internet forum for pregnant women. I asked what was good for nausea, they said ginger, and I remembered seeing those in the kitchen.”

“You asked? As in, you created an account in order to post on the forum rather than looking to see if anybody else had already asked?”

Sam’s blush deepened and he held one of the larger books up to cover his face.

“It says here that angels and humans can have offspring, but we don’t know the implications—“

I reached over and pulled the book down so I could see his face.

“Sam, that is the sweetest, nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time,” I kissed him on the cheek, “Thank you.”

“I think I might still be possessed,” said a familiar voice from the hall.

Dean strode into view, still in his jeans and undershirt.

“Because I swear I just heard you say that Sam is sweet and nice.”

Sam laughed and I ran over to Dean, throwing my arms around his neck. He hugged me back, his arms low around my hips.

“I’m so glad you’re ok,” I whispered in his ear.

“Me too.” He whispered back. Clearing his throat, he said to both me and Sam, “How long was I out for?”

“Out as in asleep or out as in possessed?” Sam asked.

“Yes.”

Dean pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, pulling the beer I’d left for him out of his pocket and cracking it open.

“Well, you’ve been asleep for like twelve hours,” I said, “Give or take thirty minutes.”

“I was hoping you could help with the possession timeline,” Sam said, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I have flashes of being possessed, but the bastard had me blocked out for most of it. I think it happened right after the striga, in Atlanta.”

Both my eyes and Sam’s widened, that was farther back than either of us had thought.

“Dean, that was five months ago.” Sam said.

“Shit, what’d I miss? Anything good?” Dean asked, taking a long draw on his beer. “Did he kill anybody while he was using me like a meat suit?”

“Not exactly,” I started.

Dean caught the hesitation in my voice and put his beer down.

“What is it, Kate? What happened while I was out?”

Sam shot a glance over to me.

“Rip it off like a band-aid.” I said under my breath and bit my lip.

I kept my eyes in my lap, unable to bring myself to say it.

He deserved a few more seconds of peace before I turned his world upside down.

Dean looked at me, his head cocked to one side, thoughtfully. He got up from his chair, which had been on the other side of the table, and sat down next to me. He took my hands in his, the warmth of his skin against mine sent shivers down my spine. All these years and he still managed to give me goosebumps.

“Hey, whatever it is, we can figure it out.” He said gently.

“I was here three months ago.”

“While I was possessed?”

I nodded, “But I didn’t know it then, and neither did Sam. You were acting normal, nothing seemed off.”

“Sorry I missed seeing you,” Dean smirked, trying to ease the tension.

“That’s the thing,” I said, “You didn’t miss me, at least, your body didn’t.”

“Did that son of a bitch lay a hand—my hand—on you?” His voice rose as he started to get to his feet. I put my hands on his arms and stopped him.

“No, nothing like that. Dean,”

I took a deep breath and reached into the pocket of my jeans, pulled out the pregnancy test, and put it on the table in front of Dean.

“Is that…?” He asked, picking it up and looking at the window.

The two red lines. Two little lines that changed everything in three minutes. His forehead wrinkled.

“You’re pregnant? Who–who’s the father?”

Dean looked up at me and I might be mistaken but I thought I detected pain in his tone and his eyes. I swallowed a lump that had been forming in my throat.

“You. At least, biologically, you.” I said.

“That asshole used me…for sex?”

Sam shrugged.

“We don’t know what his intentions were,” He looked at me. “But, based on the timeline, the last time Kate was here, you were possessed.”

“And we…?”

Dean looked at me and pointed his finger back and forth between us.

I nodded.

He grinned for a split second only to drop it again just as fast and stand abruptly, starting to pace the room. He fidgeted while he paced, he rubbed his chin and ran his hand through his hair. His eyes looked unfocused like they were seeing past this room and into someplace else.

“You’re not going to keep it are you?” He asked. “A nephilim would kill you, but that wasn’t an angel so we shouldn’t have to worry about that. Who was that kid in Nebraska we ran into? The one Cas tried to–”

Dean sliced his thumb across his throat.

“I had the same thought.” Sam said. “Jesse, the Cambion. I need to dig up our notes, his mom was possessed I think though, there was no father.”

“Either way, I don’t know what to do, Dean,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. “I’ve faced down strigas, werewolves, vampires, and every other kind of nasty monster but I’ve never been this scared in my life.”

Seeing my tears flipped some kind of switch in Dean and he was immediately back to his normal demeanor. He pulled the chair next to me even closer and sat down before pulling me in for a hug. I felt safe with his arms wrapped around me, and even his small strokes on my back were soothing. The sobs came freely now that the dam was broken.

“Hey, it’s ok, shh,” He said quietly as he rubbed my back.

I could feel his breath on my neck, its warmth was comforting.

“We’ll figure it out, ok? We’ve been in worse scrapes than this.”

“We don’t have much time to figure it out Dean, not if the plan is to get an abortion. That’s a small window that’s already closing fast.”

“Well you just found out right, and you were here a couple months ago so that’s not so far along—”

I shook my head.

“No, the count starts from the beginning of my last period. Technically, I was sixteen weeks pregnant yesterday.”

He blinked.

“But you weren’t even pregnant before your period. They had to have taken that into consideration when they put these bans into place.”

I laughed, too hard.

“Oh Dean, that’s more naive than Cas. You think the dusty old farts in congress have either a basic concept of how women’s bodies work or a desire to learn beyond their 1950’s education?”

“Yeah that’s a good point.”

We were both quiet for a few minutes. I was lost in thought, I don’t know what was on Dean’s mind but at least his facial expressions made me think he was equally concerned. The more I thought, however, the more anxious I became. Sam left to go make breakfast and I absentmindedly flipped through one of the books he’d left on the table, but it was about Nordic myths and legends. Dean was looking through an ancient-looking version of the King James Bible which was even more impossible to read than recent versions.